CASPER THE FRIENDLY BLOGGER

So, Halloween is coming up. I’m trying to decide what to be. It’s currently down to either a vampire or an Oompa Loompa. For reasons I can’t recall, I happened upon this photo of Gene Wilder and some Oompa Loompas yesterday, and those terrifying little buggers are some serious Halloween. See for yourself. I mentioned this to my roommie yesterday, and she suggested we get really bad fake tans in preparation for this costume.

Oh, if you haven’t heard me complain about this before (and chances are you have), I’ll clue you in to how I feel about female Halloween costumes. First off, who the hell changed the theme of Halloween from ghosts, devils, and zombies to naughty nurses, French maids, and slutty bunnies? It’s freaking ridiculous. Yes, I know those things can be equally as frightening (Really, 250-lb kitty cat? Really??) but I’m somewhat of a traditionalist when it comes to holidays, and Halloween is supposed to be about the dead and other ghoulish things. A little respect? When did this day become a competitive slutfest free-for-all? Well, probably around the time I stopped trick-or-treating and started going to parties. But, seriously, it is testament to what a womanizing society we live in. And, furthermore, if you don’t have the balls to dress like a slut in your everyday life, you have no business trying to pull it off one day of the year. If you simply must slut it up, at least be a dead cheerleader or something. And one more thing: aren’t you cold?

Back to my costume. Let’s weigh the pros and cons:

V Vampiress: PROs

• It’s Halloweeny, in the traditional sense.
• It's pretty easy.
• I have a long dark wig.
• My roommate has a cape I can borrow.
• I get to wear fake pointy teeth and bite people!

Vampiress: CONs

• It’s not terribly original.*
• It doesn’t involve much.

Oompa Loompa: PROs

• It's weird.
• I get to paint my face.
• I get to wear that green wig I bought for St. Patrick’s Day but never used.
• I can sing things like “Oompa Loompa doompady-dee, if you are wise you’ll listen to me. You will live in happiness too, like the Oompa Loopma doompady do!” Fun.

Oompa Loompa: CONs

• It’s weird.
• I have to paint my face.
• It could be difficult and/or costly to put together.
• I’ll have to find some fellow smallish people to do it up with me.

Holy shit! I just remembered the boy I had a serious crush on for all of middle school, half of high school, and a little thereafter was nicknamed Oompa! Why was that, anyway? Jerms, if you’re reading this, I know you know. Enlighten me. And, by the way, thanks for giving me that clump of dirt from his bike that one time. Also, thanks for encouraging me to dump my “Oompa pouch” into Ellicott Creek that other time. A true friend you are.

I suppose this is enough procrastination for one day. Time to eat lunch and get some work done around this joint.

P.S.—Sexy Indian girl costume? So not PC.

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*However, I believe I have earned the right to an unoriginal costume, after such oddities throughout my life as mouse princess, toilet, and white trash.