BLAHG

Take that, D'Artagnon!

Eew, it's Monday.

Remember when I referenced some unique 'Gizzlicious costumes from Halloweens past? Out of the blue, my parents just sent me this one from when I was a young'n. Did I mention I was a weird kid? I remember picking out that whore mask from George's and deciding to wear it along with my toilet costume. What I was thinking, I honestly have no clue. Well, chances are I just wanted a mask to conceal my true identity at school—the toilet costume was my idea, but I likely felt embarrassed once I had actually donned the thing. The reason I chose a hooker with a cigarette, that part is beyond me. Perhaps it was a foreshadowing of my adulthood? Just kidding. (Well, I have my whole life ahead of me, so we'll see.)

Along the lines of Halloween costumes and my previous post on the subject, I was delighted to come across this bit from Wm. Steven Humphrey's Halloween Costume No-No's in the Mercury (http://www.portlandmercury.com):

If you're really unsure about costume decisions, start with what NOT to do. For example, don't dress up like Sarah Palin unless you're putting a really creative spin on it (like dressing up as "Sexy Trig"). OH, and that's another thing: Don't dress up as anything "sexy" (like "Sexy French Maid" or "Sexy Lawyer" or "Sexy Little Red Riding Hood") unless you're legitimately sexy and are 100 percent convinced you're going to sleep with me. If you're somewhat sexy, then only dress up like off-kilter sexy things, such as "Sexy Robocop," or "Sexy Randy Leonard" or "Sexy Staph Infection." ... (And no, I haven't decided what I'm going to be yet, but I'm leaning toward "Sexy Nancy Pelosi.")

Moving on, over the weekend, my manpanion, my boypanion(?), my dog, and myself headed out to Sauvie Island for the corn maze and pumpkin patch. I have to say, it was a pretty good time. The boys got awfully rowdy in the corn maze; there was a lot of shouting, joking, roughhousing, and corn poking. Also, Manpanion threw Boypanion into the corn stalks at one point, so BP and I secretly organized a plot against MP, where on BP's signal and coincidentally just as MP started waxing cocky about his corn maze skills, we bumrushed MP and pushed him into the corn. It was pure satisfaction. We also each stole one ear of corn from the stalks in the maze to have for dinner that night. We thought we were so smart. Turns out, we weren't (more on that later).

We took a hay ride over to the pumpkin patch and took our time choosing pumpkins. The place was super crowded, and I swear at one point I heard a mother call out to her child "D'Artagnon, put that pumpkin down!" Seriously? D'Artagnon?? In case you don't recall, D'Artagnon is a character from The Three Musketeers. I also love the scene in Waiting for Guffman where Corky St. Clair (played by Christopher Guest) provides this gem:

What the city council did was really give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to accept. It's like in the olden days, in the days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves ... say, y'know... "D'Artagnan!" ... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!," and smack 'em!

Love it. So, anyway, following our adventures at Sauvie Island (which also involved getting shot at by a duckhunter at the Blue Heron Herbary—well, OK, we didn't actually get shot at, but the dog was definitely convinced!), we went home to carve pumpkins using the carving kit we got at the farm. MP did a tree sillouette, BP did a pirate ship, and here is my spider pumpkin (a little blurry).

Then I attemped to cook the boys dinner for the first time ever. One thing I was counting on to complete the meal was the corn we had stolen from the corn maze. Unfortunately, after 1/2 hour, then an hour of cooking, the corn was still completely hard and was sort of an unnatural orange color. Diagnosis: inedible. My mom told me it must have been "field corn," which is apprently fine for animals but not for human consumption. Bummer. Stupid karma.

And now I'll leave you with this image of the late, luscious Paul Newman as it hangs on the wall in my dining room. He was a talented actor, a truly good person, and pure sex. He was the only 83-year-old I would have married in a heartbeat, no question. Mm-hmm.