LET'S MAKE A CHANGE

I'm all for equality, trust me.* I try to pay for things roughly half the time, take my manpanion out for dinner occasionally, check people out as much as a guy would, brag to my friends about my conquests, etc. Now, you've already heard my spiel on female costumes. (Enough with the slutfest, already!) But women have had to struggle with their sexuality in a male-based society since pretty much the dawn of time, so I think it's only fair that we give men a turn. This Halloween, I propose a ban on slutty costumes for women and a movement to objectify men! Er, maybe "objectify" is too strong a word. Well, no—most men I know have absolutely no qualms over being objectified. So, let me present you with

'GIZZLE'S GUIDE TO HALLOWEEN COSTUMES—MALE EDITION

What follows is a photo montage of my pick for 2008 (drum roll, please)...

HOT PRISONER.

Oh yes. To provide examples, I have called upon two of my favorite hot men of all time: the delectable Paul Newman in the classic film Cool Hand Luke and the scrumptous Wentworth Miller (aka my boyfriend of dreams) from the TV series Prison Break. Enjoy.

If you're wondering what that sound is, it's the saliva dripping from my mouth into a puddle on my desk. No, it's fine—while you were busy gettin' your chain gang on, I went and turned the heat down in my office and splashed some cold water on my face.

Here are a few more ideas for hot Halloween costumes for men:

• scantily clad Barack Obama (what can I say, he's hot)
• naughty Joe Biden (or . . . not)
  
• animal in a cage (shirtless, of course)
• boxer (again, shirtless, of course)
• pool boy (hello! shirtless)
  
• UPS guy (variation: FedEx guy)
• hot cop
• hot professor
  
• hot working-class man (painter, mechanic, anything with a beater/jumpsuit combo and a 5-o'clock shadow)
• slutty nurse (works for guys too!)
• maid (hmm, I think I'm on to something)

I welcome any additions to the above list. So, come now, spread the word! Men, do your part to put the kibash on sexism this Halloween! And ladies, tell your men they won't be getting any if they don't slut it up on Friday!

Happy Halloween,
'Gizzle

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*Disclaimer: I am not a feminist; I just believe in balance, symmetry, equality. Thank you.